.::Love Changes Everything::.

2003-03-26T18:15:00.000-05:00

Wow, I really need to blog more, When i get on i guess I either just play games or talk to Jennifer, I dont think about lookin here or writing much. Im such a terrible writter, and clearly i cant spell the higher form of education know as college. haha. Well im not to worried about it, no one ever said I had to be the worlds best speller to make alot of money and be happy in life. Im not implying that money is the only thing that makes me happy, because clearly Jennifer makes me extreamly happy, if most people only understood that bond that she and I have then i think there would be less broken hearts in the world, because Jennifer and I have never had a seriose fight, I hope i didnt just Jinx us but i dont think it did.(crosses fingers). Welp, i guess im gunna go back to work now, I'll catch you all on the flip side...Peace out. bye

2003-03-15T22:58:00.000-05:00

Yeah, just like jen said, i got my license and its awsome. Even though i dont have my own car and my mom wont let me go very many places, i still love having it. I went go get jennifer yesterday and it felt so good that i could do it on my own now, i feel like ive accomplished something. yay. Well, jen and i are doing great and yes school sucks the big one, but we only have a few years left, then we can join the world of adults and all that other boring stuff. But thats all after collage baby yeah! lol oh well, im gunna be one of those good boys though, im not to into bad stuff . peace out

2003-03-13T22:02:00.000-05:00

Ah, Jen is back once again *cheers* I've been SOO busy, omg. School sucks, I can't wait until summer. At least its starting to get warmer though. Whenever I went to school this morning, it felt so good! Warm, sunny... *sigh* It was perfect.... then it rained.

Anyway, this week has sucked quite a bit! The other day afterschool (i had band practice) Ms. Pickett stopped me in the hallway and started yelling at me because she found out that I wasn't going on the band trip, and she was all like, "You can't be 1st chair next year, if you dont go!!" Practically screaming. The honest truth is... I dont care. Band isn't fun anymore like it used to be, its a job that I dont get paid for. Why should I pay $300 to go somewhere with people I hate being around, and something I hate doing... I feel like im being used. I'm tired of it. What's the point anyway? She acts like band should be our 1st priority, above family... religion. Its just a silly, sucky little highschool band. Few people ever result from it, and Im not even planning to go to college and play. So, why stay? I'm not, the only reason Im in it right now is because I cant quit. Everyone's been asking me, "Are you going to quit? You can't quit, I wont have any one to talk to." Well, guess what... YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT. You notice me in the corner alone, with no one to talk to... because everyone has their own little groups which I find ignorant and immature... yet you still ignore me. You just want to have a TRUMPET SECTION. Guess what? Even if I did stay, we'd still suck! Because what's the difference when only 2/9 actually care about sounding good. Its YOUR fault I dont care anymore, and that I loathe going to band every single fucking day. Get over it... leave me alone.

2003-03-12T18:57:00.000-05:00

JOHN GOT HIS LICENSE!

Im soooo proud of you!! ;)

2003-03-09T18:57:00.000-05:00

Hey, Hey, Hey... Its been a while everyone, i know. Well, everythings been great for the most part. Ive been doing good, Jen and I are enjoying our lives togather, and yet again im in those cloud that i love so desperatly, i wish that i could live within those clouds that i dream about so much. Ok, im done with the cheeziness now. lol... But time is growing closer and closer toward the season of Soccer. More like the season where i get into great shape for Jennifer. Were talking on the phone right now, shes prolly jumping up and down yelling, "Im getting a Treadmill" yay. lol, its halarious. Shes telling me I am going to get fat and she will be unfat, which i dont understand cause shes unfat right now and i think she looks awsome but she never agrees with me. But im gunna go before i embareass her, so ttyl buh bye

2003-03-04T22:31:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I've been really busy lately. I had a career project that is due tomorrow... so I've been working on that all day. Tomorrow, I have to stay after for band practice... and RIGHT after it I have to go to a ballgame; and I have to go to another on Thursday... and possibly Friday. Why have basketball anyways? What's the point in trying to throw a ball into a net in the air? Jesus, and the cheerleader in their short little skirts yelling "Go Team!" is enough to make me sick. Im tired of the whole highschool thing, its no longer a trend... just an annoyance.

Hmm, do you ever just wish someone would ask you what you hate, instead of the casual "What do you like?" Sometimes you just need to vent all those negative feelings... and Im ready to burst. So, guess what? If you dont like the whole "I hate this" babble... keep scrolling, or kiss it.

Anyways, along with the rants... Sometimes I really can't stand how teachers, friends, and just people in general treat me either like im (a) an idiot -or- (b) young
I really dont understand why people think that Im stupid, maybe its the way I carry myself; but I know this for a fact. Almost EVERYONE I have met, or talked to... has told me that they thought I'd be illiterate, and they look down on me at that instant. It makes me TICK. Of course Im not a genius, but Im certainly not stupid... and honestly I dont see how 3/4 of our Gifted/Talented kids from my grade have any talents besides being a royal pain in my ass. It's like there's some conspiracy against me, I make twice as good as grades as they do... and just because of first impressions, and my teachers liking; I am bored to death each day in the same old classes. While, others get to move on and learn something NEW. I've been learning about the fucking sun since I was in second grade, and you have no idea how many times I've learned about the Civil War. Good god, give me something challenging. Please... school is becoming a jail, a place I have to go and do PITY work... while I watch everyone else suffer and bombard me with questions and requests of answers. Which, brings me to another point. You know those people that kind of sit in the corner, wear things my dog wouldnt wear (Because of the filth) and act like its their life mission to interrupt and make everyone around them miserable. They never do work, and just sit in their groups throwing gum hoping to get it in someone hair. WHY WONT THEY FUCKING QUIT? They're not going to amount to anything, and EVERYONE knows it. For gods sake, I know this one girl has a 24% in Geometry, a fucking 24. Its not because she's stupid, I've known this girl from kindergarten... she doesnt give a shit. All she cares about is stealing money from her parents to buy her POT. They think they're the coolest thing because they can smoke in the bathroom, smoke pot... all that crap. Its not cool, YOU ARE STUPID if you didnt have all that frickin coke up your nose maybe you could even smell your own stupidity. It reaks...

Heh, Im guessing you've heard enough today... I have *QUITE* a few more rants... but I dont want anyone to think Im a bitch now... so I'll tell you more later. When I have it in me.

2003-03-02T22:21:00.000-05:00

Hey guys, whats goin on out there in the real world? Nothing too bad i hope, cause im floating in the clouds and i dont want to come back down if its not worth it. Ive been in the clouds for about 7 months now, everyday jen puts my in state of ecstacy with her beuty and personality. :) shes gunna say this is really cheezy but i dont care, i think that being cheezy in small little ways like that is nice and warrented. Everyone needs to be cheezy everynow and then, i just happen to do it alittle more than most people. Just ask Jennifer, she knows. I love you sweetness. hehe

2003-03-02T20:10:00.000-05:00

hey hey guys, i got my internet in my room working! All thanks to my dearest jennifer that made me keep working on it untill i got it. Today we have talked much, she left before i could talk to her, i miss her voice, but ill just have to wait untill she gets home. but ive got to go, buh bye!

2003-02-25T20:03:00.000-05:00

Today really sucked, i didnt turn in any assignments that i was supposed to, I think im gunna get a bad grade from jon because im not doin my work lately, i cant figure out why im having such a hard time right now, im stressing myself out too. I miss my jennifer so much, ive tried calling her a couple times I think, im not sure, im really hyper right now and david sayed he thought I was on speed. and he made some annoying comments. but yeah, i miss my jennifer so much, i wanna see her so bad right now, i need her support and comfort really bad. im gunna call her right now. buh byes

2003-02-24T07:35:00.000-05:00

Yeah, i really wish that my computer would work. I have never seen such a stuborn computer, it just doenst like working i think. On the plus side, I got to hang out with jennifer and her dad. Maybe her dad likes me alittle more now, or maybe alittle less, I dont know. Both her dad and my dad got along, i didnt really know if they would at first but they did so no more worrying. Welp, i hate goin to school, which im about to do in 5 mins. welp ive got to go. buh bye

2003-02-23T21:36:00.000-05:00

I just got back from John's house. My dad and I went over his house to set up a LAN from his computer to the family computer so he can have the internet in his room. We ran 100ft of cable, put in network cards and everything... and the family computer worked, but his didnt. Which sucks, we spent around 5-6 hours on it. Anyway, my dad just burned a copy of Windows XP (CE) and he's going to install that on his computer, which should solve any problem he's ever had with his computer.

I went to the mall yesterday and bought stuff for 'Career Day'; a project you are required to do in English 10. You have to dress up, do research, make visuals, and tons of stuff for it. I'm going to be a computer specialist. So, I bought some really cheap dorky looking reading glasses (the thick black framed kind) from The Dollar Tree, and a pin striped button-down blouse. Then, Im going to use an earpiece that hooks up to one of our phones, so I'll look all HI-TECH! *woo*

"it's us"

it's us

you can't change that
it will always be there
no matter what

cold snow
warm summer nights
the farther we go
the closer we are

change;
evolve;
distance;
forever;

its us.

2003-02-22T00:33:00.000-05:00

I went over John's house today. It was a lot of fun, its been a really long time since I'd seen him; and it was nice to get to CUDDLE. I got there around 6:00, and we just watched some TV, ate lasagna (however you spell that), watched more tv, and got all nice and CUDDLY *ahem* among under things *Tries to look sweet and innocent* nah, you have to know im a good girl! I didnt want to leave him!

I'm so proud of my baby (John) he gave blood yesterday (Fri.) I figured he would chicken out, honestly. He didnt though, and could possibly save three people with the pint he gave. (HAHA, Learned that in anatomy!!)

On a darker note, Im really starting to get fed up with people *cough NICK cough* making fun of John for being a virgin and crap. Its not like we both dont want to. Let me tell you, I sure as hell do... but there's this thing. It's called morals. He thinks he's all big and bad since he fucked somebody. His first was a whore, and now they're broke up and he can't get any. So, what do you think is better? Your first being a bisexual whore, or a **INNOCENT** virgin... yah, I'll let you do the math. We have all the time in the world for that anyway. I plan to spend a long time with John, I love him. He's the first person I've ever honest to goodness loved. I'm not going to ruin that. I honestly think that teenagers can't handle the emotional feelings attached with sex. I'm sure a few can, but majority can't. I know it would screw up a lot, and the risk is too great; and with all the time we aren't 'doing it' we can concentrate on other feelings... rather than our sexual feelings.

That's just my two cents, take it or leave it... I have more to say, but I dont feel like typing it; and you probably don't care anyway.

FRIDAY FIVE

1. What is your most prized material possession?
My stereo, I dont know if I could live without music. Sometimes, I just can't bare the silence.

2. What item, that you currently own, have you had the longest?
There's this little egg ornament that goes on our christmas tree every year, and I've had it since a few weeks before I was born... pretty cool eh?

3. Are you a packrat?
Actually, Im not. I pack very light... amazing, I know. Everyone thinks Im really high-maintence. When in fact im not, I can usually travel for 4-5 days on a duffel bag and a book bag.

4. Do you prefer a spic-and-span clean house? Or is some clutter necessary to avoid the appearance of a museum?
I like cleanliness to be in the middle, not a total slob... but not all museum like either. Why does it have to be all NEAT anyways? I know we need some organization, but somethings just really arent necessary.

5. Do the rooms in your house have a theme? Or is it a mixture of knick-knacks here and there?
My room is the only one with anything near a theme. I call it, "THE RED ROOM" since pretty much everything except my walls and carpet are red. (Which is soon to change) I just really like the color red...

2003-02-20T20:15:00.000-05:00

We actually had school today! Grr, I didnt think we would... and John and I stayed on the phone until like... 2:30. I had to get up at 7:00 and take a shower, which really sucked. I was SO tired. At least we didnt have to make up another day though, you know? I don't want to be going to school until July, that would really suck. I want to have a summer! Ah, I can't wait until summer, its going to be great. I get my license in July, and John is going to get a car soon... so he can drive me around too. I think Im going to buy some pool lights (I have an intense fear of the darkness, especially while being outside) so I can take late-night swims without being scared out of my mind. **REALLY CANT WAIT**
I need to stop procrastinating. Its really becoming a habit. I've been working on a layout for my website for a while... and it'd take me a full 2 hours or so to finish it, but I just dont feel like doing. (Just like I havent for the past month) so its been QUITE a while since Ive had a new layout. Want a sneak peak? Here ya go...

Yeah, Its really cute. I took the pussyfoot picture from a shirt I have with my digital camera; and I just went from there and got all of that!
Anyway, Im going to find something productive to do... ta ta!

2003-02-19T14:01:00.000-05:00

Yes sweetness, your hair is purdy :)

2003-02-19T12:57:00.000-05:00

Yeah, We finally went to sleep. LOL. Loooook, my hair is curly!

Hmm, stupid... I know, but Im really bored. This was useless.

2003-02-19T02:11:00.000-05:00

that was my favorite one, when i read that it just confirmed even more of how much you must really love me, cause if i had not ment it i would not have just blurted it out. You know how figity i get when im nervous, i had no idea what you would say about it so i felt it best just to say it, you know me, the spencer county romeo haha :)

2003-02-19T02:09:00.000-05:00

Yeah, one day we will live together in our beautiful home, but yeah the snow and ice does suck, its pretty, but it keeps us apart for too long, i miss you so much. I feel likei havent seen you in a month and its killing me. I want nothing more than to run to your house right now and burst through the door and scoop you in my arms and hug and kiss you but i fear i would never make it, its that cold outside. But maybe very soon we will see each other, and one day when my parents get off there little soap boxes and buy me a car, then i can see you anytime i want and as long as i want( or at least until 11:30) hehe. :)

2003-02-19T02:07:00.000-05:00

I felt like posting something of the past... hehe, ah the memories!

Tonight, was the most momentous night; I wont forget it. First, I must explain my proposition: John and I had agreed not to 'misuse' the "L" word, for both of us have done so in the past, and regret it. [Given the fact that we both have had unpleasant experiences following the misuse] So, we made up other words to show our affection toward each other. Tonight, that barrier was broken. I've felt something for him for some time now; only tonight was the night we let it all out. We were once again wrapped up in the same blanket on his basement floor... just laying there. I felt so satisfied; just being with him. He was shaking, Im guessing because he was afraid of what I might say; and 'blurted' it out... so I might say; although it fit perfectly. I dont know if he acknowledges the extent of my love for him; as though I did not tell him everything I wanted to say. To put it simply, other couples usually go about and sneaking around having pre-marital sex, and other such things; to simulate the love so many of us want. With John, Im satisfied laying next to him, knowing that what's mine is his and what's his is mine. I dont need a simulation, I have reality. God sent John to me. I wasnt sure there was a God until this night. I am now. How could a feeling like this come from anything greater? In conclusion once again, my satisfaction with myself is at an ultimate high at this moment... I know what love feels like; and I'm not going to let that feeling go away. Its worth sacrificing for.

posted by Jennifer Stidham at 16.10.02

2003-02-19T02:04:00.000-05:00

.::Love Changes Everything::.
Yeah, then maybe I can come over. Hmm, that sounds really good. I havent seen you in a REALLY long time, and I miss you. I hate the stupid snow and ice... it keeps me from you. Maybe one day we'll like it though, since we'll be couped up together... unable to go anywhere because of it. *Sigh* I can't wait until then. ;)

2003-02-19T01:59:00.000-05:00

Well Nick had to have known what he was walking into, he knew her past just as well as i did, and i advised him to be carful a long time ago, but he didnt listen and for a while he was happy, but look now, hes hurting like you said, he brought it one himself, but i still feel sorry for him, he just got infatuated *spelling*. But i dont think we will, i mean look outside, every blade of grass is incased in a sicle of ice...lol, in my 17 years of life ive never seen anything like it. haha. welp i really hope we dont go tomarrow :)

2003-02-19T01:54:00.000-05:00

Hehe, Now we have a way to record everything all in to one big ol' thing! Woot. I'm adding different addresses to the side, just tell me which ones you want. Hmm, I dunno. Anyways, I hope we dont have school tomorrow, seeing as though it is 1:50 AM... and I am not asleep yet. If we have school I'll have to get up in about 5 hours, and that's going to be rough. Knowing our school we wont have it though, they'll just let us know an hour before we go in! How do you feel about the whole Nick and Tracy thing? I honestly dont think either one of them were ever in love... Nick was a conquest, he got too caught up in it all, and now he's hurting. She's dating his best friend, wtf? She could've at least given him some time, it's barely been 2 weeks, and she's running around with other ppl from what I hear. He should've known this would happen though, I haven't any sympathy for either one of them. Then again, its none of my business... so I'll shut up now.

2003-02-19T01:47:00.000-05:00

Well now that my computer has decided to work, I must first say just how much I love my dearest Jennifer, you mean everything in the world to me. I dont care what people say about us being to young to know what love is, because I know i Love you because nothing or no one could ever make me feel this way, only you. welp, buh bye. I love you